We typically advise our clients to discuss their estate planning with their loved ones, but it’s not the easiest topic to bring up. Talking about estate planning isn’t exactly dinner table conversation, but it’s an important discussion nonetheless. No one likes to think about the future in terms of “what if,” but making a plan now ensures that your family isn’t left with uncertainty later.

The challenge? Starting the conversation. Estate planning discussions can feel heavy, and emotions can run high. But approaching them with the right mindset (and at the right time) can make all the difference.

While some choose to start the estate planning process by having a conversation with a lawyer, others begin with a discussion with family members. Having open and honest discussions with family members can help make things smoother when the plan gets implemented.

Why estate planning conversations matter

Estate planning isn’t just about dividing assets–it’s about ensuring your loved ones are cared for and your wishes are respected. Without a plan, families can face unnecessary stress, legal hurdles, and even disputes during an already difficult time.

A clear estate plan helps prevent confusion by outlining who will handle financial matters, make healthcare decisions, and inherit assets. It also allows you to appoint guardians for minor children, minimize taxes, and ensure a smooth transfer of your assets. Without these legal protections in place, decisions could be left to the courts, which might not align with your wishes.

Having these conversations early helps families reduce the number of difficult decisions that must be made in a time of crisis. It also gives everyone a chance to express their concerns, ask questions, and understand the reasoning behind certain choices. By making your choices more transparent, it may also help avoid conflict later on.

Breaking the silence: How to start the conversation

Bringing up estate planning can feel awkward, but the right timing and approach can make it easier. Choose a setting where everyone feels comfortable (maybe a relaxed family gathering or a quiet moment at home). Avoid stressful situations, holidays, or times of emotional strain.

Start the conversation naturally, rather than making it feel like a formal meeting. You might mention a recent news story, a friend’s experience, or your own thoughts about planning ahead. For example: “I was reading about how important it is to have a will, and it got me thinking about our own plan…”

Be clear about your intention. This is about ensuring that your wishes are known and respected. Acknowledge that it’s not the easiest topic but emphasize how having a plan can prevent stress later.

Most importantly, listen. Estate planning affects everyone differently, and your loved ones may have concerns or emotions tied to the discussion. Hearing your loved ones’ concerns and responding to them without judgment will make it more productive and set the stage for future discussions.

The essentials: What to cover in your initial talk

Your first estate planning conversation doesn’t need to cover every legal detail, but it should set the foundation for future discussions. Focus on the big picture–what matters most to you and how to ensure that the plan takes care of loved ones.

Start with general wishes. Think:

• Who should make financial or medical decisions if you become unable to make decisions for yourself?
• Who would care for minor children?
• Are there specific assets or family heirlooms that should go to certain people?

Keeping it broad at first helps ease into the topic without overwhelming anyone.

Next, touch on key documents. A will, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives are crucial for ensuring wishes are legally upheld. If you don’t have these in place yet, it may be time to start thinking about them.

Finally, discuss who should be involved in decision-making. Choosing an executor, a power of attorney, or a healthcare proxy is a personal choice, but it’s important that loved ones understand these roles and responsibilities.

This first talk is just that–a conversation. It doesn’t need to be perfect or final, but it should open the door to continued discussions and, eventually, legal planning.

Turning talk into action: Bringing in a lawyer

Whether before or after you begin the conversation with family members, an important step is making sure your plans are legally sound. Verbal agreements and good intentions aren’t enough–without the right legal documents, decisions could end up in the hands of the courts.

An experienced lawyer, like those in the Trusts, Estates, & Guardianships group at Shaheen & Gordon, can help formalize your wishes, ensuring wills, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives are properly drafted and legally enforceable. We can also provide guidance on minimizing taxes, protecting assets, and avoiding potential disputes among family members.

If you’re ready to take the next step, we’re here. Call us at (603) 800-1002 or schedule an online consultation to start putting your estate plan in place.