“I was in YDC from the time I was 13 until I was 17 and aged out not only did I see horrible things and go through horrible things that are unfathomable to imagine my own children going through, but I never thought that I would be able to get past that chapter of my life. Getting an attorney, especially the one I had who helped me through everything, who made me know that I wasn’t alone and that it wasn’t okay what happened to me when I was a child and a teenager in that place. My attorney [Samantha Heuring] helped me through trauma and get into some counseling. She also helped me realize that I didn’t deserve the abuse that happened and that it is okay to speak up. Taking the fund away from the people who haven’t had the chance to tell their story is a horrible idea in my mind. I would still be cutting myself doing and drugs to try to hide the pain. The only reason I got through my trauma is because I got to tell my story and now all I can do is pray and hope that other people get to tell their story too, and that you listen to them that they are believed and they are respected, and that they matter enough. To take away the funding I just believe doesn’t do justice. The things that happened to us. I believe we deserve to be compensated for it, even if it isn’t a huge amount, it’s something and I promise you that after it’s all over we feel better we feel believed. Growing up my entire life after YDC I was always made to believe that I was lying that those things couldn’t have possibly happened because it was a facility that I was sent to but they did. They happened to me and the only reason I got through them is because of my lawyer, and this case that I completed, and I believe everybody deserves a chance to be heard. Please take into consideration the hundreds of people that haven’t been heard, that haven’t gotten justice. These things happened. These things need to stop happening to anyone, but especially our youth and especially in a government facility that is made to protect them not to hurt them. I hope you take this into consideration while making your decisions.”
“It has come to my attention that the State of New Hampshire is seeking to halt all pending lawsuits related to the Youth Development Center (YDC). These lawsuits were filed in response to deeply disturbing accounts of sexual and physical abuse suffered by individuals while in state custody.
I am one of those individuals.
During my time incarcerated at YDC, I experienced both physical and sexual abuse. One of the assaults I endured resulted in a miscarriage. The trauma I lived through was devastating. I witnessed countless others being abused as well. We were placed in that facility with the promise of safety and rehabilitation—but instead, we were harmed by the very people entrusted with our care.
There was no accountability. When we tried to speak up, we were ignored, disbelieved, or punished—sometimes with more abuse, or by being thrown into isolation.
Now, decades later, I’m being told that the state wants to dismiss these cases—cases that haven’t even had their day in court. Weren’t we failed enough by the justice system the first time? We were victimized, silenced, and abandoned. And now, 50 years later, it’s happening again.
If those responsible had done their jobs—if they had truly protected me—I would have a 51-year-old child today. But they didn’t. They failed me then, and now they want to fail all of us again, by turning their backs and refusing to acknowledge the harm that was done.
I respectfully urge the State of New Hampshire: do not dismiss these lawsuits. We have already paid the highest price. Please don’t make us pay again. Many of us are older now. While no amount of compensation can undo what happened, it could bring some peace, some justice, and make the remainder of our lives a little easier.
We’ve waited far too long for accountability. Please don’t deny us this final chance to be heard.”
“My name is Robert Hensley I am providing this testimony regarding the abuse I suffered while incarcerated at the State Industrial School, prior to its conversion into a youth developmental center.
During my time there, I was raped in the barn multiple times by grounds staff while they were employed by the facility. There was no one present to protect me or offer medical care. I was left bleeding and alone for days, without assistance, treatment, or even acknowledgement of what had occurred. The physical pain eventually passed, but the emotional and psychological trauma has remained with me for a lifetime.
This abuse has profoundly affected every part of my life. I developed deep issues with trust and physical intimacy. My first marriage ended largely because I could not tolerate being touched, nor could I offer affection. I have had very few close relationships, romantic or otherwise, as my ability to connect with others in a loving or intimate way was severely damaged. Even forming friendships has been difficult.
Until recently, I never told anyone about what happened—not even my family. I carried this burden alone for decades. I kept it from my mother because I knew it would have destroyed her to know what I endured. She passed away two years ago, never knowing the truth. I remained silent for most of my life, because I felt shame, fear, and a deep sense that no one would believe me or care.
I am now in my seventies. I know it is likely too late for anyone to be prosecuted for what happened to me. I know that those who committed these crimes may no longer be living. But that does not make my pain any less real. I believe I deserve peace. I deserve recognition. I deserve to know that what was done to me has been acknowledged and condemned.
While no amount of compensation could ever undo what happened, I believe some form of restitution or accountability is a small price to pay for a lifetime of suffering. This trauma has shaped every part of who I am, and I carry it still. I speak now because I want my truth to be heard and respected.”
“Since ’87 I have been in counseling and am still in counseling. I’m not dealing with this very well. I can’t believe something like this went on unnoticed for decades. I did not even know there were other victims until I came forward a year ago. I’ve lived decades believing I was the only one and this would never be found out.
I have a hard time trusting people. I have never been able to get this feeling off of me. It’s changed where I go, who I associate with. There are certain situations I will not go in. It dictates my thought process on a daily basis. I am very skeptical and always and on guard. It’s not fair they want to shut the fund down. We are being robbed and violated again. It’s diminishing our self-worth.
I was 26 before I mentioned it to my counselor and was diagnosed with PTSD. No one talked about sexual abuse back then. No one talked about it or wanted to hear about it. For me, I was already embarrassed because I didn’t say no. I couldn’t say no because I was so young and didn’t know how to. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the other victims if we don’t get justice.
Most of the kids that were there were at YDC were there for minor things, like skipping school. I ended up there because my mom shot herself and my father dropped us off at YDC. He didn’t want to deal with us anymore. I was already a victim to begin with and YDC only made it worse. Now the State is pulling this crap. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“I don’t even know how to react to this. Discontinuing the Settlement Fund would let the State get away with what they did. I don’t think that’s fair as someone who was abused at YDC. That’s like saying they could beat on us and get away with it. Back then, I thought how I was treated was normal, being chained to a radiator and punched in the head. I would have marks all over me from constant physical abuse. I’d be put in solitary confinement until my bruises went away. There were many times when they wouldn’t let my mom visit because I had marks all over me. When I was released with broken ribs from the abuse, my mom went down there many times trying to get answers. Back in those days, she didn’t know that she could hire a lawyer. If I knew it were possible back then, I would have sued them when it happened. But that wasn’t how things worked. My mom just went down there herself, but nothing ever happened. They used every excuse in the book not to speak with her.
It’s the State’s problem, not ours, in coming up with the money to fund this. If they can’t, it doesn’t mean I will back away. Now that I am older and know how the system works, I will take this to Court and fight it. I have a hearing scheduled through the Settlement Fund and I’m afraid I will go and share what happened to me for nothing. I’m afraid they will come up with a number but will not have the money to actually pay. It’s not just about the money for me. I want to make sure they are held accountable. When I got in trouble, I went to jail and did my time. Now it’s time for them to do theirs. When we do wrong, we have to pay the price for it. When we do something that is not right or against the law, we have to do something about it.”
“As a victim of the YDC lawsuits, I was able to come to an agreement with the State for a sum of money that has been a big help in my life. I had waited many years to come forward and get some accountability. Unfortunately, because of the abuse being so long ago, it would be hard to hold the individuals responsible. So, the next best thing in my situation was to hold the State responsible and by them agreeing to pay me for the many years of carrying the pain and burden of mixed emotions that caused me a life of distrust. The entire situation changed my life completely. But the award showed me accountability from the State and that was what I always wanted out of this situation. After 30 years of wondering if anyone would ever be held accountable, it finally happened when they agreed to settle with me. The money doesn’t change the past, but it changes the future, and it helps close that chapter of our lives. It shows accountability, it helps us victims start the healing process, and hopefully the money will help make a few good memories to overwrite the bad ones of the past. For myself it’s given me a chance to heal by helping my children out financially. I also was able to help a family who was in need by gifting them enough money to buy a used vehicle so they could have something that makes life a little easier. I think paying the victims a fair share is a very important gesture. It is the only way to show accountability and the only way to start the healing process. I also feel keeping the Settlement Fund going shows the State is sorry for this happening and that they are behind us in the healing process.”
“So what I think is everyone behind us has got their money for what those child molesters did to me and everyone else that was victimized, so for you guys to want to not give anyone else any more money is just unjust and you’re saying it is okay for people to do this to people and the victims need to just deal with it, and that we should not get compensated. I do not agree with this because I was not only touched there but with my own grandfather that never got any consequence from his actions, but these people need to pay for everything they’ve done, and we should not have to suffer ever. It was happening way too long 1960 to 2018, 48 years and nobody had any idea, or anything was going on. I Robert Leduc do not agree with this and think that you need to pay the rest of us like everybody else it would not be fair for the people in back of us to get paid and us not.”
“It’s not fair the way they have changed everything. One of my sons has settled their case and another has a hearing coming up soon. The abuse that went on there shouldn’t be pushed under the rug by the state saying they don’t have the money. They need to be held accountable, and the victims should be compensated for what they went through. I do understand it’s a lot of money, but there’s so many people involved, due to the people that the state hired. I don’t understand how this has carried on for so many years. The state needs to be held accountable for what they allowed to happen.”
“I am displeased regarding New Hampshire not wanting to re-fund the Settlement Fund for the atrocities committed by YDC Staff. I did not ask to be violated while under the State of New Hampshire’s custody. The State of NH hired the monsters who took advantage of us minors. These monsters need to be held accountable for their inhumane acts against minors. Any and all of my pain and suffering was brought upon by the State of New Hampshire and YDC. You folks (State of NH) hired these perverts and turned a blind eye on their behavior. The only reason I’m writing is because the State allowed this to happen. With better supervision of staff, this would not have existed. By stopping funding, you are contributing to their malice and inhumane acts against minors. What happened is inexcusable and inhumane by all standards.”
“It’s frustrating because the people that were supposed to be overseeing YDC neglected to do so. They need to be held accountable but now they want nothing to do with it now that thousands of victims are coming forward. It’s incredibly frustrating, especially as someone who pays taxes. They created this monster and they need to be accountable. They failed everyone there—all the kids. Just like the State did with Harmony Montgomery. They failed her too. Governor Sununu’s name is on it. If that were my name, I’d be there every week checking in. But no one ever checked on us kids. The Settlement Fund would go a long way in helping me and my kids. I took custody of two other kids that aren’t mine. I saved them from going to the State because of everything I went through. Justice has to be done.”
“I think it’s incredibly important to have our story heard. Before this, I didn’t know how to even communicate about what happened to me. I was clueless, in the dark. This really opened my eyes and made me feel like I had a voice. It’s definitely beneficial to have our stories heard. The Settlement Fund really helped me out. My family is having financial troubles, and this has really helped me. We live paycheck to paycheck and still can’t make ends meet. It’s helped to set up a better future for me and my family.”
“In my eyes, this is another way for the State to not accept responsibility for all the damage they caused. In all reality they have a lot to answer for. The Settlement Fund is not only good for victims, but for the State as well. The State of New Hampshire will go bankrupt if every YDC victim took their case to Court. I’ll take it to trial, and I’ll encourage everyone I know to take it to trial. This is not going to relinquish them from responsibility. I believe things are far worse than is being broadcasted in the news. We see a few cases on TV but what about all the others? The State is 100% liable for it. Why wouldn’t they put the people in charge of watching those kids through the training that correction officers get? They do the same thing. If anything, it should be more rigorous because those are our children. Every child that walked through YDC was handled in such a way that any parent who had that happen to their child would be in court seeking justice. Being a child doesn’t make you automatically open for sexual assault because you got in trouble. The children there were overlooked because they were troubled. If that was your son or daughter, how would you feel? It’s upsetting to know this is a conversation that needs to be had.”
“The Settlement Fund is incredibly important. Money is good and can be a lot of help, but justice is more important. They got caught, and now they should pay for that. They let this go on and on for years. If it gets shut down, the bad people walk. Why do I work so hard to be a good person when all the victims get is the short end of the stick? 90% of us went there because our parents didn’t take care of us, and they took advantage. I only went there because I wanted to be away from my parents. YDC ruined me. There were no good people there. It was a place that was supposed to help you get better, not worse. My goal when I had my own children was to be the best father I could so that they never had to go through what I went through.”
“It’s another kick in the face. When I was 15-16 years old at YDC, I felt violated like crazy. Now it’s just more violation from the same people who violated me before. They don’t care. Nothing bad happened to them. They want to make sure they can still get their salary. If something happened to their kids, they wouldn’t be shrugging this off. They are quick not to care unless something happens to them. They didn’t take care of us back then and they are not taking care of us now. I hoped they would take care of us and show some compassion, but they haven’t.”
“Money is not the only important thing. The reason why going through the Settlement Fund is not for the money. It’s to have justice and to have my story heard. So many of us who went to YDC have gone through additional trauma over the years. I never felt like there was anyone to listen to us. Even when I was there, I had no one to share it with that cared. That’s the most important thing—to feel cared about and be listened to. To have someone who is willing to listen to my story will be a huge weight off my shoulder. I came forward in the hope YDC stops or is dramatically changed. I think of the youth now that are still in there…I wouldn’t want one of my younger family members going there considering what I went through.”
“I really hope that any and every one that has experienced the traumatic events at YDC like myself gets the compensation they deserve. I know for myself so many years of feeling uncomfortable around men, struggling with food addiction and relationships has affected who I am today. It was super hard to have to think and reminisce about this trauma again, something that I’ve blocked out for so many years and to feel like you’re reliving something that you haven’t dealt with in the proper way. I do have faith and truly believe that everyone that has filed a claim or is waiting for hearing will get what they deserve. Be strong, don’t shut down and everything will fall into place!”
“Everybody should be entitled to equality and equal justice under the law. I didn’t get justice with my abuser. He was never criminally charged. He was declared incompetent. He gets to die peacefully at home with his family, but I will never get the justice I deserve. This is unfair to all of us who were at YDC. To put us through everything—all the investigators, the hearings, litigation, etc. You don’t hear of any more trials going on, do you? It’s because they bury you in paperwork to stop you from getting justice. That’s how the legal system works. I get what the State is saying about this costing a lot of money, but what happened, happened. It’s gone on for years and it will keep happening until justice is served. The whole thing is unfair and unjust. It’s been nothing but a long, drawn-out process.”
“No matter how much money I get, this will still live with me for the rest of my life. I live halfway across the country now and I am traveling next month for my hearing through the Settlement Fund. If they shut it down, it just shows the State of New Hampshire is trying to get out of this and not be held accountable for anything. When I got out of YDC, I was mad at the world. I started getting into trouble a lot and dropped out of school. My probation officer threatened to send me back and I went on the run because I was afraid I would be sexually assaulted again. I still haven’t finished school because of it. That still lives with me. No one was held accountable for what happened to me. I’m embarrassed with myself, and I’m embarrassed the State of New Hampshire let this go on for so long.”
“Frankly, I wouldn’t have opened this whole thing if I turned out it would get shut down. People say it can’t happen to them until it does. It reeks of “I shouldn’t get a second chance.” I don’t know why they would start something like this to change their mind on it. I have had to tell myself what happened is wrong and is not ok.”
“It’s not fair. The victims are really going through stuff. This happened in the State’s custody. It’s changed how I look at everything. I’ve been trying to do counseling but it’s not working. I chose to get justice through the Settlement Fund because it allowed me to be anonymous. I wanted to do different things in life that would have been messed up by this being in the news. I was afraid how people would look at me. I would not have come forward if it were not for the Settlement Fund.”
“The State has been trying to drag my case out for over a year. They shut it down last year in June too, while I was still waiting for my hearing. I’ve been waiting all this time. My abuse happened 50 years ago. I’m 65 years old and living in the back end of a U-Haul because I can’t afford anything else. I’m homeless and use a propane heater to stay warm. I wake up every day wondering if today will be my last.
My life would be in a whole different place if YDC never happened. I’m surviving as best I can. I shouldn’t have been put in YDC. My crime was running away from home. I didn’t have a criminal record. Because of YDC, I never spent one day in high school. I’m an intelligent person, and I think I would be a very different person if I could have gone to high school and college. YDC took that away from me. I didn’t have the tools I needed to succeed in life. Even the name…Youth Development Center. What did they develop? At this point I want to be free from it. Free of worry and free of trauma.”
“During my stay at YDC, I was supposed to feel safe. That is what anyone would expect from a place like that. That their children are in safe hands. Instead, we were placed in the hands of abusive sexual predators. I have a fear of even having physical contact with anyone, including my kids, which is not a fair deal. Not only is it affecting my life, but it also affects my children’s lives. How far will that go down the family line? I’ve been through therapy, addiction, and depression. The thing I don’t understand is how could the State of New Hampshire try to defend an issue they created? I can only speak for myself when I say that the fund will help some of the families, such as my children, have a better life. Maybe I can help them to have a better life in a different way. I work hard every day. I don’t even get to spend as much time with them as I’d like and that’s bad enough, but I also don’t let them hug me or get to close due to the trauma of what I went through. I hope the legislators think of it like that, they are also taking away from children that can’t have a normal life because of the damage their institution created for me and my family. You don’t want to hear anything else I have to say because I’m a number and nothing more to you.”
“I will never trust anything or anyone in my life. I just spent the last year reliving this nightmare thinking that someone was going to hear us out through the YDC Settlement Fund. Now that might not happen. I was abused before I went to YDC. I thought the things that happened when I got to YDC were normal because of what happened to me before. I was desperate for any sort of love or affection, and they took advantage of that. So many failed attempts at the Child Advocacy Center from before YDC, and I never got justice. I didn’t get justice then, and I’m afraid I won’t get it now. I dissociated after I was released from YDC but now it’s all I think about. How can the State of New Hampshire put a line in the sand and say these people deserve an award, but these people don’t? I just want to be heard.”
“I think everyone that was affected should be compensated, not just some of them. If all of us go commit a crime, they would want all of us to do the time. Just because it’s the State, they get away with it? It’s really messed up. I can’t even believe this. They should have budgeted things a little better. That’s not our fault. What happened to me at YDC…my life is crazy because of it. If I hadn’t been there and had gone a different route, my life would have been much different. It didn’t help my life at all. I can’t blame everything on that, but it was definitely traumatic for me and anyone who went there. I know people who are still waiting for their hearing and others that haven’t even started the process. What will happen to them? I guess I’m glad I got help when I did.”
“My name is Timothy Race, and I was involved in the YDC victim lawsuit. Even with the years of physical and sexual abuse that I went through at the hands of the State of New Hampshire, being able to get closure was a big relief and helped me grow. I feel that being able to get some sort of justice for myself and others who went through the very same ordeal while in custody of the State of New Hampshire starts a long overdue healing process for all of us. Most of us came out with mental health and drug and alcohol problems, because it helped us cope with what we endured. The Settlement Fund gives us a little hope at getting past the pain and suffering we went through. Please help all the victims so they too can find the peace I have found. Thank you.”
“The abuse went on long before I went to YDC and long after. They can’t fix what happened to us, but they can do right by us now. I don’t know what they were thinking by putting us in there in the first place. Me for example, I did nothing criminal. I didn’t belong there. My problem was I didn’t go to school. In my mind, I had a legitimate reason. I had a sister who died of leukemia at 10 years old. I was only 14. My father left my mother, and she was going through hell. There was no one to help her, and my mom needed me at home. Because I missed so much school, they took me from my mother and stuck me in YDC where there was not even a school for me to go to. They didn’t have a school in there at the time. There was one classroom that used as a storage space. And used for a place to rape me. In exchange for my silence, I would get extra snacks and promises that I would not be locked in solitary for weeks. All it did was teach me to sell my body.
The State cannot stop the Settlement Fund. I’ll be the first one to go out on the street and scream my brains out. The worst thing in my whole life was 30 years after YDC, my boys were put in YDC too. I can only imagine what they went through after considering what I went through. How can they think of stopping the Settlement Fund now? Even after all this was exposed, they left that damn place open and left children in there. Even after all this. Even after David Meehan won. They still left that damn place open. Send the kids who are there back home or find them a safe haven. At some point, I hope they raze that place to the ground and make it into a memorial for all of us that were tortured there.
The State of New Hampshire has already admitted wrongdoing. It’s not our fault that the State allowed this to happen. The State is the one who has to pay for their crimes.
I want every single one of them to know Cecile Richards is alive and well. I will fight for this until the end.”
“There are still so many people with cases that haven’t been settled. Them cutting it off…it’s not understandable. I still know people who were abused there and are now being told law firms aren’t taking their cases. To put budget before justice is just absurd. When there’s so many active, legitimate claims that are waiting. One of the people I know is someone I grew up with. It was so bad that she is constantly nervous around men and can’t be in a relationship. It’s not okay that what they did to us altered the natural progression of our lives. Even to this day, it still is there. The thing that caused me the most trauma wasn’t even covered by the fund. I was locked in my room for 3 years and didn’t get compensation for that.”
“Being abused at YDC has caused me and many others lifelong mental health issues. The Settlement Fund needs to continue so that we can afford services to help us with what happened back then. It’s very important people can get the help they need. A lot of us do not qualify for health insurance or can’t afford it. These funds are imperative to helping us receive the counseling and treatment we require.
The State of New Hampshire needs to be better at vetting people who work with children or the elderly. These departments need oversight and to have frequent reviews like any normal business. They can’t be left to their own devices as they deem fit. Too much can happen for too many years before they are caught. Money helps us get services, but it’s important the State of New Hampshire works to prevent this from happening again in the first place.
Now that the State wants to shut down the Settlement Fund, every year I am going to be in fear. I have already settled my case, but my award is paid in yearly installments. Now each year I am terrified it won’t come through, and it’s causing me additional stress and trauma. I thought this was done and I could finally put it to bed. Will the State honor the cases they’ve already settled?”
“I waited more than 30 years before coming forward. I filed last summer and am set to have my hearing with the Administrator towards the end of this fiscal year. I’ve been following the news about funding this thing and it has brought me a tremendous amount of anxiety and re-traumatization. I keep asking my lawyer Anthony what that means for my case and he’s not able to give me any firm answers because of how uncertain is. It’s possible my hearing will get cancelled. And if my hearing moves forward, it’s possible the fund will run out of money before a decision can be issued in my case. It is difficult to overstate how this uncertainty impacts someone like me. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks.”
“I’m a New Hampshire tax payer and probably one of the few YDC victims who has been able to put together a successful career. It took me until my 40’s to get to where I am now and it wasn’t easy but I got here. I just filled out the extensive paperwork to file a couple months ago. Now my lawyer is telling me that he isn’t even sure if this Fund will be around past June. How can they do this to all us over? When I was kid the state said they would take care of me and help me get better. And then the state abused me. Then the State tells us they’ll take care of me through this settlement fund, but they’re considering breaching that, too. It just never ends with this state. I am a tax payer in this state and it makes no sense to me why the State would instead force us to get even bigger verdicts in Court. But if that is what they force me to do then that is what I will do. I’m not going away.”
“Before YDC, I had heard crazy rumors about jail as a kid, and after my first incarceration at YDC, it made me a believer. My reality at the time was just to stay strong as I could and to believe what’s happening to me is the norm for inmates. After visiting multiple institutions I’m still a believer. I’ve seen a lot of bs behind the walls. Inside those walls, there are rules for inmates but no rules for the guards apparently. That’s just the reality of it. Whatever they want to do to us, they’ll do. They can cover up their dirt and 99% of the time get away with it because COs are loyal to each other just like any other group. I used to believe what happened to me was what I deserved and mentally told myself to suck it up, be tough, and just try to let go and forget. But I can’t forget it, I can’t unsee, un-acknowledge, un-feel how I felt that day. What happened to me has changed my personality in a way I didn’t realize and still don’t recognize sometimes. I don’t trust being around people’s anger. It gives me anxiety because I think I’ll get stuck in a situation where I’ll have to fend for my life again. Helpless. No one coming to save me. Degrading. Embarrassment that only me and my perpetrator experienced. Fear. And again anxiety! It happened so long ago that I feel it’s irrelevant now, but after counseling and talking with my lawyer & filing this claim, I feel that not only me but anyone who’s ever been in a situation like mine deserves some type of justice. Whether it’s a settlement sum of money or locking up the sex offenders who thought they can get away with what they did.
I won’t forgive my perpetrator. He knows what he did was the lowest of the low, and the fact that all the COs at YDC were in on it and knew what was going on was just pure evil. Perverted. Unforgivable. How could the state of NH swear in juvenile guards/COs under oath to protect and serve and not know their backgrounds or even know them enough to trust that they will do their due diligence? Why aren’t private investigators or undercovers sent enough to check on prison guards to make sure that they’re doing their jobs and not harming or sexually abusing the inmates? That should be a job title in itself. Like an undercover cop posing as an inmate to make sure the guards are doing their jobs.
After leaving YDC I had a negative attitude toward the police. I felt that all cops and guards, or most of them, were racist and sex offenders. Which turned me even deeper into a criminal lifestyle and substance abuse lifestyle which has hindered me for years from achieving anything really. Miserable. It took me a while to snap out of it, to realize how to be responsible and stop blaming everybody for my problems. But the problem was mine. My head was messed up. Today, I still struggle with built up anger held in for all these years. Anger swept under the rug. Anger because no action of justice has been taken after all this time. I remember my mom thinking that YDC would have been good for me because I kept skipping school and hanging around the wrong crowds. When really all I needed was a good mentor or a father figure. But she and I know that after YDC, I was way worse off than I was when I went in.
YDC guards are supposed to help the adolescents, not abuse them. I couldn’t tell anybody what happened to me around that time. I was too embarrassed, ashamed of myself, weak. I fell off the grid for 10 years after YDC, stuck in uncontrollable drug addiction. For the record, grown men and women aren’t supposed to touch boys and girls. The YDC guards were hired to babysit us and took advantage. It’s unfair and unsettling and sick. I’ve been damaged mentally. It’s way worse than I can explain in this letter. But I’m also healed because time heals. I’ve been sober for 5 years and have been dealing with my emotions harder than ever. To everyone I look fine but then again that just might be my poker face. Covering up how I really feel inside. Some people would say it is what it is. And others will feel pity. Some ask why. I say why not. “Why not” continue this settlement fund? It’s giving us a second chance well deserved, well overdue. I can’t speak for any of the other victims. But I know my life would have been way different and way more positive if my thought my life wasn’t ruined at YDC.”
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